Eric was born on October 5th, 2005. His birth was intense and beautiful, and the mother/ child bond was immediate and complete.
I offered him the breast early and often, and he slept heavily between feedings. By the evening of the 6th, my colostrum seemed to be gone, and he began to act a bit fussy. Hunger was setting in. As a wiser, second time mom, I knew just what to do. I latched him on and went to sleep. Each time he would stop sucking, and start fussing, I would switch sides. We nursed in arms and slept on and off all night that way. By about 4:30 in the morning, I heard him taking long drawing sucks and swallowing loudly. My milk had come in! The miracle of having the perfect food for my sweet baby delivered into my body at the perfect time has never ceased to fill me with joy and reverence.
From that time on, Eric and I were a pretty happy nursing pair. Despite a small skirmish with thrush and a few close calls with mastitis, nursing Eric was a joy. He ate in very efficient manner, and slept for hours between feedings for the first five months of his life.
At about five months, he finally started to wake up a bit. He still loved to nurse, and never showed much interest in solid foods through the end of his first year. I spent most of that year in complete baby bliss. He was so easy to nurse (and fast at the breast) that I would often forget I was nursing a baby at all.
He continued to nurse and co-sleep after his first birthday. A few months after his birthday, I started to feel more exhausted. I thought all babies would naturally sleep pretty much through the night by around the time of their first birthday. (After all - Olivia had!) This was not the case with my sweet boy.
After one unusually tough night, I dropped Olivia off at school and lamented about my exhausted state to a few moms. "Wean him, at least at night", they said. "You are going to have to teach him to sleep, babies have to be taught to sleep, you know" (code for let him cry it out) One mom insisted. I knew I would never let my baby "cry it out", but I felt at the end of my rope. One mom turned to me and said, "It's okay to be tired. You are going to be fine. If it wasn't this, it would be something else. His pattern will shift with time". What a blessing! I needed someone to remind me of the obvious. Eric wouldn't be waking up to nurse at night when he was 30, and I chose to suck it up and enjoy this short season.
Things did change slowly over time, and I was back to enjoying our nursing relationship immensely. Suddenly in late August, 2007, when Eric was 22 months, my typically relaxed and cozy feelings while nursing became laced with antsyness and irritation. It seemed strange to have such a sudden shift of feelings. Soon, a pregnancy test confirmed that I had indeed "shifted". We were expecting a third child!
At first nursing while pregnant, didn't seem to be such a big deal. Soon (at about seven weeks), the morning sickness set in, and things got tough. At about fourteen weeks, the nausea started to abate, and the nipple soreness began. This nipple soreness was very challenging, because normally soreness can be remedied by improving the baby's latch. Nipple soreness during pregnancy hurts a lot, but is completely hormonally based. The only things that helped (a little) was staying super hydrated.
At twenty weeks my milk was, for the most part, gone. Now I was dealing with the double whammy of nipple soreness and an empty breast. I would have welcomed weaning at this time. Many children do lose interest in breastfeeding when the milk wanes, but not Eric! On he nursed! I would bring every beverage known to man in several different sippy cups to our bedside table to offer him when he awoke at night. I would say or sing the alphabet to limit the length of each nursing session. Day by day, and night by night we edged through the pregnancy.
Soon Eric turned two. He still loved to nurse. I began to read up and ask anyone I could about tandem nursing. Even my most "attachment friendly" friends seemed to think it was unnecessary or a bad idea. In my heart I knew Eric's season at the breast would not end during the pregnancy, and that I would tandem nurse for a few months at the least. I didn't want him to feel like his time had been cut short because the new baby had arrived. At the same time, I was scared. Everything I could read on the subject indicated that I was really in for a challenge. I didn't want a challenge. I just wanted to meet both of my young children's needs.
In preparation for this new chapter of nursing two, I read Hillary Flower's book "Adventures in Tandem Nursing". The book itself is a collection of different mother's experiences with nursing during pregnancy and after the birth of new baby. It was interesting and very realistic, but I didn't find it entirely reassuring. The foreword of that book was written by Peggy O'Mara (editor and publisher of Mothering Magazine). So many of Peggy's writings have influenced me so deeply as a mother, and this was no exception. At the end of the foreword she writes, "No one tells us this secret: Putting our babies needs first expands us and makes us more deeply human. It's what grows us up. I recommend it.". From this simple quote, I found the courage to follow my best mothering instincts.
The pregnancy progressed, and because of the milk shortage, Eric asked to nurse less frequently through the night. I started to talk to him about Conrad's birth. I told him that his new baby brother would bring the milk back to mommy's boobies. The soreness was still pretty terrible, and I wondered how I would nurse a new baby with that pain. Miraculously at 36 weeks, the soreness disappeared! It was there one morning, and gone by that night! Hormones are amazing things!
The time drew near, and Conrad was born. When my folks brought Eric and Olivia to the hospital to meet the new baby, Eric didn't ask to nurse. I wondered if he might surprise me and be done. He was so sweet and sensitive in those early days of Conrad's birth and my recovery.
Because I had nursed Eric frequently up until Conrad's birth, I had tons of colostrum, which turned out to be essential for my 10lb. 5oz. baby. Right after my C-section, Conrad latched on to my right breast and nursed for one hour. He then latched onto the other side for one hour. Large babies are prone to issues with blood sugar, but this little (big) guy had all the prep work done for him by his big brother. My pediatrician asked that I submit Conrad to hourly blood test to check his sugar levels. I explained that I had plenty of colostrum, because I was still nursing my two year old. Dr. Hamilton (our amazing pediatrician and father of six) said I was a rare woman and seemed thoroughly impressed. Bear in mind that this conversation and first nursing session with Conrad all took place in the recovery room at Cedars!
I had so much colostrum for Conrad, that he was never hungry at all. Within thirty-six hours my milk was fully in. When Conrad didn't eat enough, and I began to get engorged, Eric was there to pinch hit for him. It seemed just about perfect, to tell you the truth. It wasn't at all like the scary articles that I had read. I was a convert of tandem nursing. I usually nursed both boys separately, but in a pinch they could nurse at the same time. This was a great boon to sibling relations.
After a few weeks, I could tell Eric felt a little bit displaced, and nursing was a great help for his adjustment. His opportunities to nurse were a great time for him to have "mommy time" and re-establish our bond. Things went swimmingly for about six months. As Eric turned three, I thought about weaning him. I talked to him about wrapping it up, and he didn't nurse for over a week and-a-half. The timing didn't feel right to me, so when he persisted in asking to nurse, we resumed.
About four months later, we had a weaning party complete with friends and cake, and he didn't nurse for over on week. For some reason (probably teething) Conrad went on a nursing strike out of the blue. I began to get engorged and was on the verge of mastitis. Eric was still eager to nurse, so once again we were back to it. I hoped that when the time was right our nursing relationship would have a beautiful and peaceful ending. I felt that I just needed to trust that things would end in the best way possible.
That brings us to Friday night the 12th of June, 2009. Eric told me that he was done with "nurse" that evening. I asked if he was sure, and he said he was. Saturday morning he was asking to nurse again, and I suggested that he have one short nurse and say, "Good bye to mommies boobies". He did. Since then he has asked for cups of milk. He has said, "my heart wants to nurse" a couple of times. We cuddle and read or have a snack, and he has been okay with that. His time has come, and not in any traumatic or forceful way. It's been beautiful and peaceful, just as I had hoped. I feel that this experience has been one of the great learning experiences of my life. I feel so grateful for Eric, and for the relationship of trust and love that we enjoy.
Most of you are familiar with Elder Uchtdorf's message about creativity. I think it is important to remember that above all of the things we might create in our life, the relationships we create with our children are incredibly significant. I am so grateful to be a mother and learn in this powerful way about real love, trust and faith. My heart is so full tonight!
Of course, I am still nursing sweet Conrad. I hope to enjoy every minute of his young life, because more and more I realize how quickly these beautiful years are passing.
